Earning Perspective

Blogging Friends.... This post was supposed to be "published" yesterday. But. A combination of busyness, procrastination, and shiftlessness does not write Blog posts!! Who knew? Oh well, here it is now!!   

 

Sorry about the smaller font in this post. Blogger was being a pain!!

 

Around here, we have this volcano. Several years ago--before I was ever born--she blew off her top. Today, this very, very distinctive-looking volcano still occasionally spews steam. Which looks like some gaseous-infused "cloud" across the clear-blue skies. This has always been my very favorite mountain!! Always. Emotionally--metaphorically speaking--I am like a mighty volcano. I hold everything within me--thoughts, feelings, emotions--occasionally spewing steam. Then, I explode!! Sort of like a volcano, I can appear strong on the outside for several days and weeks, even. I have a terrible "poker-face", however, so loved ones around me oft ask if I'm okay. And I lie. I put on this brave face. And, hot tears fall as soon as loved ones leave my presence. I rub them away. I'm fine. I'll be okay. I tell myself. I try to move forward, as though I am some tough emotionless Marine. Then, later on--sans any warning--I "erupt" in tears!! And, as to be expected, is it never pleasant. I am an erratic, oft-hormonal, mood-swingy, irrational woman during such "explosions"!! That being said, this has been a loooong week for me. Last Saturday, I began feeling low in spirits. For various reasons. But, I fought every thought, every feeling and every emotion. Holding it all within me like the "volcano" that I am. Then, on Thursday, I fell--hard!!--into an emotional "black hole". Yet another pity party. Care to guess its culprit? The usual. My learning disabilities. A lack of self-acceptance. Oh, how I wish I were "normal"!! Why is this so hard? Between Christmas shopping--which was quite successful!!--I wept my entire day away. And I was not in any "jolly" mood!! Not at all!! I awoke yesterday morning afflicted with an excruciating headache. I logged online, and found this picture of Robert Downey Jr. from my favorite scene in "The Avengers". That scene which I refer to as "A terrible privilege". When Tony Stark says: "You know, I've got a cluster of shrapnel, trying every second to crawl its way into my heart. This stops it. This little circle of light. It's part of me now, not just armor. It's a... terrible privilege.". I smiled upon seeing that picture. Because in my head, I was automatically quoting those lines!! I quietly spoke them aloud. Then, I began work on my secretive writing project. Along the way, I earned a little perspective. Again. Life may be hard sometimes. But. "It's a... terrible privilege.". And I do have a lot to be grateful for this upcoming Thanksgiving. A lot. I also awoke yesterday morning with the lyrics to this song in my head.  

"Song for Those with Disabilities"

Written by Bob Kauflin 

Within the womb I formed you
I fashioned and made each part
I thought of your fingers, your hands and your feet
Your mouth, your lungs, your heart
Though you might think that you’re different
I made you the way that you are
So you could discover the God who made you
And find out all I am

And though you might think you have limitations
There are no limits with Me
When you turn your eyes to My salvation
Finally you will see

In Me, you have all that you need
In Me, you have all that you need
In Me, you have all that you’ll ever need.

And I’ve heard each prayer that you’ve called out
“Why did You make me this way?”
You may not completely understand now
But there will be a day
When I make everything known to you
And what you don’t now understand
You will see that I'm Wise and I’m Mighty and Good
Just like all My plans
And if you trust in the work of My Son
One day you will see
That I’ve made you the way you are
To draw your heart to Me
To draw your heart to Me.

"It's a... terrible privilege".

Now I need to stroke the velvet-soft fur of my sweet Beautifully Unique girl, Rose.... Who hates it when I cry.