Saturday, November 17, 2012

Earning Perspective


Blogging Friends.... This post was supposed to be "published" yesterday. But. A combination of busyness, procrastination, and shiftlessness does not write Blog posts!! Who knew? Oh well, here it is now!!   
 
Sorry about the smaller font in this post. Blogger was being a pain!!
 
Around here, we have this volcano. Several years ago--before I was ever born--she blew off her top. Today, this very, very distinctive-looking volcano still occasionally spews steam. Which looks like some gaseous-infused "cloud" across the clear-blue skies. This has always been my very favorite mountain!! Always. Emotionally--metaphorically speaking--I am like a mighty volcano. I hold everything within me--thoughts, feelings, emotions--occasionally spewing steam. Then, I explode!! Sort of like a volcano, I can appear strong on the outside for several days and weeks, even. I have a terrible "poker-face", however, so loved ones around me oft ask if I'm okay. And I lie. I put on this brave face. And, hot tears fall as soon as loved ones leave my presence. I rub them away. I'm fine. I'll be okay. I tell myself. I try to move forward, as though I am some tough emotionless Marine. Then, later on--sans any warning--I "erupt" in tears!! And, as to be expected, is it never pleasant. I am an erratic, oft-hormonal, mood-swingy, irrational woman during such "explosions"!! That being said, this has been a loooong week for me. Last Saturday, I began feeling low in spirits. For various reasons. But, I fought every thought, every feeling and every emotion. Holding it all within me like the "volcano" that I am. Then, on Thursday, I fell--hard!!--into an emotional "black hole". Yet another pity party. Care to guess its culprit? The usual. My learning disabilities. A lack of self-acceptance. Oh, how I wish I were "normal"!! Why is this so hard? Between Christmas shopping--which was quite successful!!--I wept my entire day away. And I was not in any "jolly" mood!! Not at all!! I awoke yesterday morning afflicted with an excruciating headache. I logged online, and found this picture of Robert Downey Jr. from my favorite scene in "The Avengers". That scene which I refer to as "A terrible privilege". When Tony Stark says: "You know, I've got a cluster of shrapnel, trying every second to crawl its way into my heart. This stops it. This little circle of light. It's part of me now, not just armor. It's a... terrible privilege.". I smiled upon seeing that picture. Because in my head, I was automatically quoting those lines!! I quietly spoke them aloud. Then, I began work on my secretive writing project. Along the way, I earned a little perspective. Again. Life may be hard sometimes. But. "It's a... terrible privilege.". And I do have a lot to be grateful for this upcoming Thanksgiving. A lot. I also awoke yesterday morning with the lyrics to this song in my head.  

"Song for Those with Disabilities"


Written by Bob Kauflin 

Within the womb I formed you
I fashioned and made each part
I thought of your fingers, your hands and your feet
Your mouth, your lungs, your heart
Though you might think that you’re different
I made you the way that you are
So you could discover the God who made you
And find out all I am

And though you might think you have limitations
There are no limits with Me
When you turn your eyes to My salvation
Finally you will see

In Me, you have all that you need
In Me, you have all that you need
In Me, you have all that you’ll ever need.

And I’ve heard each prayer that you’ve called out
“Why did You make me this way?”
You may not completely understand now
But there will be a day
When I make everything known to you
And what you don’t now understand
You will see that I'm Wise and I’m Mighty and Good
Just like all My plans
And if you trust in the work of My Son
One day you will see
That I’ve made you the way you are
To draw your heart to Me
To draw your heart to Me.

"It's a... terrible privilege".

Now I need to stroke the velvet-soft fur of my sweet Beautifully Unique girl, Rose.... Who hates it when I cry.     

 

 

16 comments:

scotsmad said...

Sometimes you just need a good cry so you can pick yourself up and dust yourself off.

XXXOOO Daisy, Bella & Roxy

Molly The Wally said...

Oh we hope you are feeling in a brighter mood today and that the weekend brings you good vibes. Have a super Sunday.
Best wishes Molly

Dip-Dip and the Bridge said...

Raelyn, you are not alone! Everyone has things about themselves they hate, we all have our pity parties - I know I do now and then.
At least when you blow up like the volcano you are at peace afterwards and the stress is gone for a while. Take care, Lynne x

Raelyn said...

Daisy, Bella & Roxy....
Thank-you for the comment!!
Yeah, a good cry helps. But, I have also found that an old saying stands true: "Laughter is the best medicine."!! I am grateful for humor.... ;op

Raelyn said...

Molly....
Thank-you for the comment!!
Things have definitely turned around for me emotionally!! Thank-you. ;op

Raelyn said...

Lynne....
Thanks for the comment!!
"At least when you blow up like the volcano you are at peace afterwards and the stress is gone for a while.". True!! ;)
"Everyone has things about themselves they hate, we all have our pity parties....". Yeah. A cross to bear. I shall try and remember that!! ;op

finnhoward said...

I hope today was a whole new day for you with new possibilities. I have a secret too - I have a hard time dealing with the holidays. It makes me go nuts trying to be jolly all e time. It happens!

Raelyn said...

Finn....
Thank-you for the comment!!
"I hope today was a whole new day for you with new possibilities.".
I am better today!! Thanks!! The holidays actually had nothing to my mood swing-infused pity party!! I love this time of year!! Christmas music has been played--nonstop--around here!! Its cheery songs are nourishing my soul. Like magic.... ;op

KSO said...

Turn that frown upside down! And the whole jolly thing, it comes not from Christmas shopping but the look on loved ones faces when they receive the gift! So imagine that and feel better :)

Raelyn said...

KSO....
Thank-you for commenting!!
"The whole jolly thing, it comes not from Christmas shopping but the look on loved ones faces when they receive the gift!". I concur!! ;)
I am better today!! The holidays actually had nothing to do with my mood swing-infused pity party!! I love this time of year!! Christmas music has been played--nonstop--around here!! Its cheery songs are nourishing my soul. Like magic.... ;op

Remington said...

Crying is good for all of us....but then wipe them off and put on a smile and think of all the things we have to be thankful for....there are SO many! Take care, my friend....

Raelyn said...

Remington....
Thank-you for the comment!!
"Think of all the things we have to be thankful for....there are SO many!". I concur!! An attitude of gratitude is truly a warm-hearted feeling, huh? ;op

RYKER said...

No one feels jolly all the time. Things that help me are remebering that someone (lots of someones) have it so much worse than I do. And my Ryker always cheers me up as I know Rose does for you.
Nature helps me too, going for a walk inthe woods with Ryker is one of my best cures!

Raelyn said...

RYKER....
Thank-you for the comment!!
"Someone (lots of someones) have it so much worse than (we) do.". Ah, now that is a good perspective!! Thanks. ;)
Rose does cheer me up.... Every day!! ;op

Ruby said...

You are exactly how God made you! We all still have room to grow, and things that need to change. It can be painful sometimes, but we always come out better for it. You remember how the bible talks about how gold is made? From being put in a fire! Hang in there, and I would encourage you to resist thinking on things that cannot change. They just make you depressed and angry. Focus on what you have control over: using the gifts God has given you for His glory! Responding to adversity knowing He has allowed it and will use it for your good! It is not a punishment, but an opportunity to grow in dependence on Him!

Raelyn said...

Ruby....
Thank-you for the comment!!
These words, which you have expressed, are so encouraging, Friend. So encouraging. I am going to copy and paste these words in a location where I can look at them regularly. Thank-you!! ;op