Oops, I Did It Again

Blogging Friends.... some very complicated emotions and feelings are running amok within me right now. {No, I am not experiencing another mood swing!! That was last night!! I survived, thank-you very much!!} I need to write about these emotions and feelings. Get them "out of my system", as that phrase goes.

 Oops, I did it again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. Times twenty children who were born with congenital diaphragmatic hernias. MY birth defect. Plus now two additional children with different "special needs"/deliberating health issues. I did it again. I have "met" so many children Online whose very oxygen can be sucked away from them. See, several years ago, when I was in my early 20's, I discovered this special little boy--named Conner Phillip--who was born with a rare genetic illness called Tay-Sachs disease. Long story short. Infants with this condition develop "normally" until about six months. Then, they slowly regress. Such children only live until the age of five years old. There is no cure. I followed Conner's story closely, which was faithfully written by his Mommy on a Web site. I prayed for him. This was emotionally trying at times knowing that he was going to die anyway. But I do believe in miracles. Conner was only 22 months old when he passed away on November 26th, 2006. This news, of course, broke my heart. I even composed a poem in Conner's honor. Which, regrettably, I have mislocated. Plus, Conner has an Angel figurine in my bedroom. After Conner died, I made a promise to myself. Never discover any more "terminally ill" {My choice of words at the time!!} children!! I grow too attached. Thus, it is painful when these children pass. Well!! This premature short-term memory loss sufferer/one step forward, two steps back personality-type did just fine keeping her promise!! Fast forward. To January 2013. Over six years after making this promise. When I felt God leading me to find families whose children were born with congenital diaphragmatic hernias. This birth defect can be fatal for various reasons. And I had no idea what I was getting myself into!! I now have twenty--in counting!!--children who were born with C.D.H., their hearts wrapped tightly around my finger!! Including Sunni. Based on Facebook, she does not have congestive heart failure!! Thanks be to God!! Sunni is back on feeds. Plus, she's looking and feeling better!! Thanks for your prayers!! Keep sending them Sunni's direction!! Well last week, I did it again. I allowed yet another special little girl to wrap her heart and soul tightly around my finger. She was not born with C.D.H., or craniosynostosis, for that matter. No. Her name is Teresa. She's six, was adopted into a loving American family from China, and is quite the little fighter!! Teresa also needs prayers. Desperately. My comment today is self-explanatory.

 Ann....

"Unfortunately, following the heart catheterization, the doctors determined that the donor heart has been rejected.". Oh no!! I am so sorry. Praying now for a new heart. That it bond and flow successfully with Teresa's little body. But I have leapt ahead here. Praying--hard!!--for Teresa's Berlin heart surgery. That there be absolutely zero complications. She is a fighter, your girl. May God continuously watch over her. Six to eight months of waiting for a new heart?! I cannot even imagine. Praying for it to be sooner. Ironically, I can feel my own heart pounding....

--Raelyn

 

 

  

Perspective

Blogging Friends.... I have fallen a bit behind on most of your Web sites. I shall soar through them. Soon. Hopefully!! I am also still reading through my Life Story, and have three chapters left!! Almost finished!! I am looking forward to reading the next chapter, as it was literally written during a cosmic mood swing when God taught me "Perspective". Speaking of which. I awoke yesterday "on the wrong side of the bed", as that phrase goes. I was tired, had a rough night's sleep, felt sick of being sick, and nobody expressed any pity for me!! Well. So it felt, anyway!! I was doing it again. Throwing myself yet another pity party. Why must I even "go there"? I walked around yesterday with an invisible ebony rain cloud hovering over my head. Until early afternoon. I owe that to finally allowing myself some chocolate!! I was having a serious craving!! Yes, I am addicted!! It's a problem. Lest anybody wonder, I am in even brighter spirits today!! Obviously!! So, I shall close with a quote by someone who I greatly admire. Helen Keller.

 

"Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in this world." --Helen Keller

 

Please pray for a Beautifully Unique Kindred Spirit CDH Friend who I have "met" Online. Her name is Sunni. She's nearly nine months old. Aside from the congenital diaphragmatic hernia, Sunni has also suffered through some serious heart problems. This was posted on her Mom's Facebook page yesterday. "Well the roller coaster continues. After she got dehydrated they started giving her replacement fluid for all the output she has from her vented g-tube. Now she is starting to get super puffy which leads to worsened breathing. They had to put her back on oxygen (.75 liters currently). They also stopped feeds completely because she was so uncomfortable and distended day before yesterday. Now I was just told they think she is having congestive heart failure. -*Sighs*-".

 

That kind of puts my emotional, moody yesterday into perspective....    

Eternally Grateful

Blogging Friends.... Thank-you for your comments on the other days' post. I truly appreciated them!! Because I love you all so very much, I'm oftentimes found creating Blog posts which might catch your interests, sans losing my own unique style. For instance. Stories about Rose. Because many of you are from Blogville. Or posts about Ramsey and Zoe {Not that I did that for anyone but their families!!} because I have Readers whose lives were touched by congenital diaphragmic hernia. {MY birth defect.} But, I haven't any "Robert Downey Jr." Blogging Friends!! {Not that I am complaining!! They are all on Tumblr, and far stranger than I will ever be!! Trust me on that one!!} Thus, usually whenever I write about Robert Downey Jr., it is for myself alone, so I'm eternally grateful that you comment!! Keep them coming!! The other day's sweet, touching, heartwarming story about Robert Downey Jr., and little Jaxson was, lest anybody wonder, written from my perspective alone. I only "stole" its facts. Oh, and I wrote the story with a head cold!! Which I am currently still fighting!! Sigh.... Alright. I am off to read MY book!! I wish to do twain chapters today!! We shall see....

 

 

An Ordinary Hero

Blogging Friends.... I should be reading through MY book. But, I am having a serious withdrawal from writing!! And, when I am stroking Rose's velvet-soft fur, but scribbling my art form onto a yellow notepad, it could not get any more obvious!! I am slowly gathering stories about Rose right now, like some bushy-tailed squirrel with her nuts. So, today's Blog post is going to be entirely about Robert Downey Jr.!! Why? Because something took place three days ago while Robert Downey Jr. was interacting with his fanatics, and a story rapidly unfolded....

 

Celebrities. They come in diverse size, shape, and personality. Actors. Singers. Reality television stars. The list goes on. Some celebrities are voluntarily always in front of cameras for every single personal life occasion. You know who they are. Others seemingly lead quiet and private existences. I repeat. You know who they are!! So it is always heartwarming to discover stories which paint celebrities in a positive light!! {Especially when they're true!!} Robert Downey Jr. has been in Massachusetts filming his next movie, "The Judge". Working. But every chance he gets, Robert Downey Jr. has been interacting with his fanatics on the streets. Literally!! Not just signing autographs, or posing for photographs. No. He has asked people's names, made everyone feel special, and even taken requests for impressions!! Robert Downey Jr. is so cool!! Last week, on June 14th, a mother named Heather Denno pulled her 1 1/2 year old son, Jaxson in his plastic red wagon to "see Iron Man". Robert Downey Jr. caught sight of them. Being great with children, he waved at Jaxson, then walked over to where Heather stood. That was when Jaxson freaked out and threw a toddler tantrum, his face buried in both hands because this was not Iron Man!! Oops. Poor Robert Downey Jr.'s facial expression--as he crouched down, his right hand touching Jaxson's back--looked very distraught!! It pains me to see that photograph, actually!! Robert Downey Jr. looked utterly helpless, his nearly quivering-lipped facial expression saying this. What do I do? I just broke this kid's heart, and I don't even know his name!! Plus Robert Downey Jr.'s frown also expressed a bit of momentary frustration toward those who were snapping pictures. These are going to be plastered all over the Internet within days. Can't you respect this child's privacy?! He seemed to think. Heather told People magazine this. "He was fine as soon as he talked to him. [He] was so confused because I kept telling him it was Iron Man and he knew it wasn't. Well, not Iron Man in the suit.". Based on pictures, Robert Downey Jr. then proceeded to cheer Jaxson up, simply by being his beautiful, quirky, eccentric self!! Kids love oddballs!! Trust me on that one!! Heather also told Celebuzz this about Robert Downey Jr. "He was there for 10 minutes just to get a good picture and make Jaxson smile. And his people kept telling him he had to leave and was late for shooting, so I can’t believe he stayed. He was amazing. You could tell he was a dad with a young son.". That's right!! Online journalists and Bloggers everywhere are now deeming Robert Downey Jr. a "hero" for knowing how to lift Jaxson's mood. What thrills me most about this story? Robert Downey Jr. is, for once, being painted in a very positive light!! I think that he deserves such praise!! Because, in an amazingly simple sort of way, Robert Downey Jr. did act like a hero. To Heather Denno. And to her son, Jaxson. For both individuals were absolute strangers to Robert Downey Jr.--he never even knew they existed--yet the Hollywood actor treated them like family!! I love that!! Should a big-name talk show host such as Jay Leno ask Robert Downey Jr. about this story, he would casually shrug his shoulders. And he'd say something like this. "I couldn't just leave that kid screaming.". No. He couldn't!! And the notion of Robert Downey Jr. being hailed a "hero"? He would roll his eyes. Dramatically!!

 

Being Creative

  Blogging Friends....I'm afraid that I am a bit behind in commenting on everybody's Web sites!! I just cannot "do it all", as that phrase goes!! Things fall off of the balance beam of life. All. The. Time!! Sigh....

"When you're creative, you never turn off. It gets intense sometimes...." --Robert Downey Jr.

Awhile back I wondered what I would do after being finished with my Life Story. I worried about feeling lost because I love, love, love having writing projects. Will I feel like I'm coming down from a "high", or something? {You know what I mean!!} Writing projects just make my small existence feel so very meaningful!! Well, I needn't have fretted!! Because, God has since filled my mind with plenty of ideas for future writing projects!! Plenty of ideas. However. The curse of being a creative individual is that, thus according to Robert Downey Jr., you never "turn off". And he is correct!! See, I have firsthand experience with this!! Being creative {For any sort of art. Not just painting or drawing. "Art", I think, is a relative word. For instance. My Blogging Friend Lynne's crocheted animals are definitely a work of art!! No doubt about it!!} explains why I am seldom ever bored!! My "brain juices" just flow away like some rushing river, and Attention Deficit Disorder conquers me!! That, obviously, is a positive!! But still. The curse of being a creative individual is that you never "turn off". And, then I am watching "Man of Steel" in some local theatre {Great film by the way!!}, while my mind is pondering some next potential big writing project!! Really?! Before being completely finished with my Life Story?! I am trying to watch a movie!! And several weeks ago it was some children's story about a pink bunny named "Bubbles"!! Whoops!! The bunny's out of the rabbit hole for that one!! Good grief!! Can't I just live in the moment?! Apparently not!!
 

 

Here is a last picture of Shadow. Three years ago today, at 9:30 PM, she collapsed and could not pull herself back up. I then sat by Shadow's side nearly the entire night, stroking my girl's "blond" fur. I only achieved two hours' sleep. Literally. I counted. This picture was snapped on the morning of Tuesday, June 15th, 2010, before we euthanized Shadow.

 

 

 

Thinking About Shadow

Blogging Friends.... Where is my head? Up in the clouds somewhere? Not surprising!! I do, after all, have both attention deficit disorder and premature short-term memory loss!! Which is a dangerous combination of learning disabilities!! Trust me on that one!! Anyway. What point am I attempting to make? I nearly forgot about today's Blog post!! Weird!! So, where is my head? Where. Is. It? It is in my Life Story, as I am still reading through what I've written!! Which has been good. I have taken stuff out, plus added certain facts!! I feel as though God keeps reminding me that Rome wasn't built in a day, so why should my book be? Patience. It truly is a virtue!!

 

I have been thinking a lot about Shadow, as her death anniversary is this Saturday. I cannot believe that it has nearly been three years since I had to say good-bye!! I still miss her, and always will. But I am so grateful to have Rose in my life!! So very grateful. Here is a poem that I composed about Shadow approximately two weeks after she passed.  

 

During that dreadful, dreadful night when you fell;

Nobody could predict death, no one could tell;

But it was such a hard collapse;

Did your hips quit on you, perhaps?

Trying hard to get up, this proved a losing fight;

So I stayed by your side nearly all through the night;

For ten years you've been faithful toward me;

This was my time to show loyalty!

Farewell, Shadow Sunshine, farewell....

You've left lots of stories to tell!

Wherever I go;

You will be missed so.   

Reading MY Book

Blogging Friends.... I hate to do this. But, may I break a promise? I want to write/post stories about Rose. Truly I do. I am even experiencing a withdrawal from writing!! However, currently, I am back at work on my Life Story!! Not surprising. This time, I am simply reading it. I'm adding certain things, and correcting a few errors along the way. Surprisingly, doing so has actually been fun!! It feels emotionally touching--in a positive sense--that I'm reading MY book, as though I would be Caryl Moll's "Maxdog", or Kelle Hampton's "Bloom". Here's the thing. I will read my Life story, and then show it to family. Its future still remains uncertain at the moment. To publish? Or not to publish? That is the question!! First I must show it to my Mom!! That is a start, right? {Yes, I do things in my own sweet time. Why must you ask? See, I live with "developmental delays". A "special needs" Blogger whose Website I sporadically read wrote that people like me have "rebel timing"!! Rebel timing. I like that!!}    

 

 

Last Saturday, we were watching my one-year old niece. {There is a story about her and Rose coming soon!!} I was sitting on this computer during naptime. She awoke, then toddled over to me. I picked up my niece's still-groggy little spirit, and sat her on my lap. We cuddled. It occurred to me that I have pictures of Rose stored on this computer. So I showed her some. She was more interested in touching the mouse!! Meanwhile, I discovered some forgotten pictures of sweet Rose. Here's one. Rose is being given her medication in cheese after a doctor spayed her. At age three. 

Now. I am off to read MY book!! {That sounds so weird in an exciting sort of way!!}      

The Power Of Empathy

Blogging Friends.... So about those Rose stories which I have promised. Despite the very fact that they've been accumulating lately like soft snowflakes, I cannot seem to get it together!! Sigh.... It probably does not help that I haven't enjoyed an entire night's sleep in three consecutive days, and I'm feeling overwhelmed right now!! Oh well. I promised "next week" for the story. Correct? This week is not yet over!! I still have five days left!!

 

One of the hardest parts about being a devout fanatic of Robert Downey Jr.'s is how frequently journalists and Bloggers alike dig up his regrettable past, then make wild accusations surrounding it. Last week, I was Google-searching Robert Downey Jr., when my eyes spied these words. "Let's discuss this Robert Downey Jr. headshot from 1985". Uh, okay. I do not like pictures of Robert Downey Jr. young, and in a nonjudgmental sort of way. However. I was very, very, very intrigued by those words!! "Let's discuss this Robert Downey Jr. headshot from 1985". So, I clicked on it. At my own risk. I read the title. "Robert Downey Jr.'s headshot was a weird one.". To which I laughed aloud. "Weird", huh? Would I expect anything less coming from Robert Downey Jr.? Then, the headshot. I will describe it best as possible. Robert Downey Jr. was sitting, his left leg crossing the right. Head tilted. Neck bent. Robert Downey Jr.'s  left arm was posed behind his head. The right arm? It was resting on his shoulders. And he had this cocky "Notice me!! Notice me!! I'm cute!!" expression written upon his face. Well. It was an unconventional "headshot", to say the least!! I read this Website's take on Robert Downey Jr.'s picture. In a pea coat over a dress shirt and tie, with James-Dean-meets-the-Bride-of-Frankenstein hair, posing like he's part of the ensemble in a modern dance troupe: this is how Robert Downey Jr. tried to impress casting directors in 1985. Vulture's got a gallery of old headshots taken by a photographer named Andrew Brucker who sought to elevate the form to new artistic levels. Amongst photos of young Will Arnett, Kerry Washington and Winona Ryder, this RDJ photo stands out as being the weirdest. It's as if he had it taken specifically to audition for the role of Inspector Gadget as directed by Tim Burton. And I laughed some more!! Until I read these words. What's the actual explanation for this photo? Occam's Razor says: drugs. This threw me!! It stirred my emotions in response. To which I wrote this. It was not "published" onto their comments section. "Drugs"?! Is that the best explanation you can come up with to describe this picture?! "Drugs"?! Really?! Really?! Robert Downey Jr. was always strange, an eccentric who never ever, ever, ever needed the "help" of any narcotic to bring it out. Which I personally love about him!! And although I do not much care for pictures of Robert Downey Jr. young, {Or "pre-sobriety"!!} this one is actually cute!! His beautiful brown eyes are clear. I have seen them very, very, very dark. I have seen them sad, lonely and desolate. I have seen them glare back at cameras in pure bad boy fashion. And, yes, I believe that I've seen them glazed over, as though he was high. I hate every single one. But compare this picture to any of him snapped in these amazing ten years of being clean, and you'll find several poses which are strikingly similar!! Why? Because he is an oddball!! Either love him, or hate him for it!! Apparently liking eccentrics is an "acquired taste". And if you throw crazy in the mix, which he always has been, it's even more so!! I say that Robert Downey Jr. was simply being himself when this picture was taken. And that is beautiful. Besides, narcotics always hindered his true identity. It occurred to me several hours later that I defended a young Robert Downey Jr., and I've never done this before!! Whoa. So that is what empathy does to me!! See. When I learned about Robert Downey Jr.'s past last Summer, God used him to teach me something quite valid. He used him to teach me empathy toward addicts. This never existed before. Never. I would hear about someone with a drinking or drug problem, and flatly think this. "Just get over it!!". But now. I can read some story about where Robert Downey Jr. came from during his addiction years, and feel for him. Because I get it somehow. He would, of course, humbly tell me not to waste my empathy on him. But I don't. It was a very good lesson to learn. Empathy. And I now employ it toward anybody else who struggles with addiction. I am completely blown away by the power of empathy!!