My Dog's Addiction

Blogging Friends.... I am in the mood to write a humorous post today, for some reason!! I have no idea why!! However, what with the Aurora, Colorado "Batman" tragedy weighing fresh on our minds, perhaps humorous is just what we need right about now!! This is a true accusation, though, regarding Rose!! Well!! I am getting ahead of myself here. Read on!!  

Addictions. People suffer from them. There is alcoholism. Drug addiction. Even lesser life-threatening stimulants such as coffee, or soda pop. Come to think of it, in this case, everybody has addictions!! Of the human race, anyway!! But, what about canines? Can they suffer from addictions, too? Perhaps. Although, I have no factual information to back this up!! In Rose's case, however, there is one sweet-tasting type of food that she seemingly cannot consume enough of. Chocolate. That's right!! Chocolate. It is true!! In the nearly twain years that I have shared with Rose, I've had to swiftly pry open her mouth, if memory serves me right, and pull out three forms of chocolate!! Yeah. My dog has a problem. It's called an "addiction" to chocolate!! Does Rose not know that this is a dangerously unhealthy type of food for her? Does she not know? Chocolate contains two ingredients which could kill her!! Kill her. Caffeine and theobromine. Lethal ingredients to canines. Does she not understand how many adrenaline-rushed panic attacks that this "addiction" of hers has produced for me? My heart pounds like some rapid drum beat!! Every time!! Does she even care how many occasions that I have saved her? Does she? All because I love this crazy Beautifully Unique mutt, and do not wish to lose her? Several weeks ago, I was vacuuming. When, I noticed Rose sneak down the hallway which leads to my parents' bedroom. I did not think much about it. Until, in the corner of my eye, I watched her emerge from the hallway. She was running. Toward my bedroom. In a smooth, cool, swift motion. And, if Rose were human, she would have laughed manically!! Sounding something like this: "Ah--ha--ha--ha--ha!!" If my Beagle cross were fluent in English, her words might have been: "I've got something I can't have...." How do I know this? Because Rose's stance while running toward my bedroom was guilty. It screamed of guilt. See, whenever Rose's mouth is holding something "forbidden", which has always been food products, she runs, full-speed, toward "our" bed!! Not very sneaky.... So, there I was, sitting beneath our dining room table, using the vacuum's hose to suck up Rose's wispy fur, when my eyes witnessed her guilt-ridden run!! Oh no!! Next thing I realized, life spun in rapid motion. Rose has something that she shouldn't!! And I had this sinking feeling that our culprit was chocolate!! So I needed to act fast!! The next thing I realized, my verbal response was: "Oh crap!!". Oops. I should really watch my language!! Now, I am not the most agile being who ever walked this planet. Nope!! So I stood up as fast as my legs would allow, first lying on the hard laminate floor with a baseball player-like stance who just slid into home. Real graceful. I skinned my elbow in the process, as well!! Which did not even hurt!! I turned off our vacuum cleaner, and allowed it to gently fall backwards onto the floor. I stood up. Time was racing against me, with the knowledge that Rose's mouth may contain something chocolate. Something poisonous. On wobbly legs, like a newborn foal, I ran to her, afraid that I'd been too late. I gently pried open Rose's mouth. She worked every muscle in her jaw against me, clenching her mouth shut. My stubborn girl!! However, I was born with an iron will!! I, too, can be stubborn!! And, I was determined to win this mini-battle against my dog!! So, I opened Rose's mouth, peered inside, and pulled out this saliva-drenched brown ball. Gasp!! A chocolate-coated malt ball!! I yelled at Rose, utterly displeased with her behavior. Thank God I was not too late!! Rose only got a slight taste!! Phew!! After carrying the slimy malt ball to our kitchen garbage, I resumed vacuuming. I will forgive Rose later!! Which I did!! That was when I reached the conclusion that my dog has a chocolate "addiction". Yeah. She needs help. Is there such a thing as rehab facilities for canines with chocolate problems? Hmmm. Choco-holic Anonymous? Oh!! And.... Do they have such rehab centers for people? Because I just might qualify....