Progress Report

Blogging Friends.... This will be my only Blog post of the week, as we are not returning from our mini-vacation until Saturday!! I am so excited!!

"Work in Progress." Everybody has heard or seen this phrase. It is painted on construction signs. Expressed in song lyrics. Used as an excuse, even. But, truly? We are all a "work in progress". Correct? I am....    

I recently came across this quote. It was spoken sometime in 2011.

"Discipline is doing what you say you're gonna do and not doing what you say you're not gonna do. That's life. To me that's honor. I don't want to be a person who doesn't have honor." ~Robert Downey Jr.

There is so much beauty in this quote. Just considering how much personal progress Robert Downey Jr. has made throughout the years. Mmmm. I could cry. I am obviously sentimental when it comes to stories like his.... Speaking of progress. Less than one month ago, I expressed a self-revelation. Robert Downey Jr. and I are alike!! Creepy, but true. Personality. Idiosyncrasies. And.... "Character defects". Minus substance abuse on my behalf, of course!! I am stubborn. I refuse to listen. I make lame excuses. I lie. I break promises. He did all of that--plus more--until obtaining sobriety, maturity, and sanity!! Back to me. Okay. Several weeks have passed since I've attempted to "do right", quit my excuse-making habit, stop procrastinating, and keep promises. An entire Summer, perhaps. This should not be so difficult. Breaking bad habits and replacing them with good. Learning to change. Realizing that I was wrong all these years. But it is!! Oh, it is!! I have found myself constantly battling against relapsing into old habits. Huh. If memory serves me right, experts say that after twain consecutive weeks of beginning new habits, you no longer need to worry about relapsing. Hmmm. If this is indeed true, then these doctors have never met me!! Clearly. My battle against relapsing is much less intensified now. But twain weeks into it? I was fighting. Fighting to the nail!! I have since reached some further self-revelations. I possess a "one step forward, two steps back" personality flaw. Don't we all? I work toward something positive, continue it, then.... I stop. Why? I have posed myself with this very query all Summer long!! All Summer long. Laziness? Carelessness? A lack of discipline? Yes. Yes. And yes. I am a "psychiatrist at heart". Seriously!! I love such things as metaphors and psychology!! I am not intelligent enough for that profession, however. So, instead I write!! Contentedly!! The "psychiatrist within me" says that there is a "chain-link result" which motivates my bad habits, thus inviting several bouts of relapses. Beginning with excuses. Excuses link to bad habits. Bad habits link to guilt. Guilt links to lying. It is an endless cycle. And every "chain link" connects back to excuses!! No wonder I've felt like some hamster running in aimless circles all these years!! Because, according to my psychological theory, I have been!! Around and around and around. Oh. My. Goodness!! I have ridden some playground merry-go-round!! According to my Mother, I fell off of one as a little girl!! Ouch. So, metaphorically speaking, I "fell off" of my longtime "playground merry-go-round"!! Cried out in pain, nursed my "injuries" back to health. Then I began "doing right". And, thus far, I have stayed off of that "playground merry-go-round"!! Somehow. I keep awaiting a relapse. I can see it lurking ahead of me like some hunting lioness. Yet. Each time I appear tempted, part of that Robert Downey Jr. quote resurfaces within my head. "Discipline is doing what you say you're gonna do...." No more broken promises. No more lashing out at my Mom because "I forgot". No more letting those who care about me down. No more. No more. No more!! Robert Downey Jr. is now in my head!! Weird. But I will take it!! I told a little joke to my sister last week. It was one of those moments which I immediately regretted. I verbally confessed that some things should simply stay tucked away within my crazy head and never be let out. Never. It was intended to be humorous. Never offensive. My sister just laughed and said: "I thought it was funny!!" Really....? I do not consider myself funny at all. This was just some crazy thought from my head!! My head. Alright. Here is that supposedly-humorous-not-offensive joke: "I am under the influence of Robert Downey Jr.!!" What? He would most likely laugh at that!! Now I am not making fun of him by saying this. I would never do that. Besides, it is a positive concept!! A profound positive concept!! And, so long as I'm "under the influence" of Robert Downey Jr., with quotes within my head--while also dismantling that "chain link" called excuses--I should do okay!! I should do okay.... While on the subject of breaking bad habits, Rose has one too. Digging. Not outside beneath our fences. No. The backyard has not been invaded by gaping holes. Rose digs her dog pillows. And my bed. I ignored this bad habit. At first. After all, digging is a healthy exercise. Right? By doing so, Rose is working out her shoulders!! Her digging is not a bad habit!! I refused to listen when people cautioned that Rose would ruin my mattress. "She hasn't yet!!" was always my stubborn retort. Then.... One day I noticed something. There was this tear on the foot of my sheet. This medium-sized tear. It required zero investigations to figuring out who the guilty suspect was: Rose. So I stand corrected. Rose's digging is a bad habit!! I was wrong. Now, I catch her "red pawed", as she digs. Then I patiently scold my mutt. "Rose no. Rose? Rose no. No." As resulted, my girl always--every time!!--gives me a colossal-eyed expression that says: "Are you talkin' to me?". But she stops digging!! Just like that!! Really?! My canine makes breaking bad habits look easy!!