Self-Acceptance Issues

Blogging Friends.... Thank-you for your comments on Wednesday's post. I truly appreciated it!! I feel the need to explain in a bit better detail exactly how my "emotional week of soul searching, growing, plus many, many, many mood swings" went. Oh. And I am also experiencing a withdrawal from writing!! {I apologize that this Blog post is not about Rose!! Stories shall come!!}

Self-acceptance. Life has a way of freely handing out opportunities to exercise this. In my experience, that is!! Unwanted learning disabilities. They require self-acceptance. Physical imperfections. They require self-acceptance. Pushing 30--in January!!--and never being a mother. It requires self-acceptance. Well, a certain part of my past--which shall not be revealed here--is no exception. It requires self-acceptance. See, my long-kept secret which I mentioned briefly last week? It was finally revealed Wednesday evening. When my all-knowing Mom virtually grabbed me. {Which was much-needed, by the way!!} I talked. And, she listened. Minus specifics, I must mention that this long-kept secret is nothing terribly bad. And years ago, I "buried" it so to speak. In a private journal. It was gone!! But I never expected this part of my past to return and haunt me. Oh, I wish it hadn't. Meanwhile, for nearly one month, I dreaded sharing the secret with my Mom. Then, being a "volcano", standing strong and steady until eventually "erupting", it wasn't until Wednesday, May 15th, when everything affected me. Not bad, huh? I stayed strong for probably three weeks!! Soon there were mood swings, tears, minor anxiety attacks, edginess, achy joints, loss of sleep, some days noshing on nothing but chocolate, and even a rant toward God. To which He just silently listened. And, if--if--I have lost any weight, it is only because whenever I'm stressed, I am wired!! Normal laziness is thrown "out the window", as that phrase goes. And I physically move around a lot!! Yes, all of this occurred during one freakin' week!! I made excuses in my head on why I should evade sharing the secret with my Mom. I am an expert at building avoidance patterns!! It's a problem. Because when my mind ran out of excuses of how not to share the secret, I just recycled them!! You know what? There are so many different ways to be in "prison". So many different ways. And I literally felt as though I'd incarcerated myself. Because, metaphorically speaking, I was chained up. But I am free now!! I'm happy!! And to think that a part of my past returned to haunt me on account of five minuscule words. Little. Miss. Secretive. Writing. Project. And now I hereby announce {Although I'm not promising that everybody will read it. Sorry. I have some big decisions to make regarding its future!!} Little Miss Secretive Writing Project!! It is my life story. Which nobody who I am in close proximity to has read. Yet. Perhaps sometime next week!! I am getting excited now!!

Self-acceptance. Life has a way of freely handing out opportunities to exercise this. In my experience, that is!! The other day, I had an appointment to a dermatologist. Because I have this scaly bald "patch" on my scalp. My self-described "snake skin". At the dermatologist's, we learned that it will not ever heal. Yep. My hair will never grow back there. The positive is that other strands cover it up nicely. But, the last thing my head needed was yet another physical imperfection. I already have twain surgically-created "cranio" scars!! Welcome to another lesson in self-acceptance....