Blogging Friends.... This post is "an oldie but a goodie",
as that phrase goes, for I first "published" it in 2011!! Wow....
That was three years ago!! I have made changes to it, as per usual!! Love you
later.
Grief. It is an interesting concept. Complex,
even. Depending on the individual walking
that path, grief is as unique as a
Zebra's stripe pattern. Or the human
fingerprint. Or a Giraffe's
markings. Or a snowflake. Some people
are seemingly so very emotional that
their loss and grief overcomes them. Which is absolutely okay. Others are
seemingly mentally strong, with few
tears streaming down their faces. Which
is absolutely okay, as well. There's no
right or wrong way to grieve. In my experience,
once you think grief has passed, {No
pun intended!!} every single thought/feeling/emotion
resurfaces itself like some fish
bobbing his head in water. Because once
you consider grief "dealt
with", and progress is made,
your complicated thoughts/feelings/emotions
take command. Then? It feels like zero
progress was ever been made, and as
though you have "relapsed". Yes,
I know this experience far too well. I always
think about and miss Shadow Sunshine, my Beautifully
Unique "blond"-furred German Shepherd/Golden Retriever cross at
Christmastime. She was euthanized on June
15th, 2010. I have an entire decade's worth of Christmas memories spent with
Shadow. Of filling her soft velvet-like red and white stocking. Of purchasing
treats, plus dog toys. Of celebrating December 25th with my mutt. I recall
as though it was yesterday mine and
Shadow's final Christmas together.
Shadow had been showing inevitable
signs of aging. Deafness, stiff joints,
senile behavior. I somehow knew
deep, deep, deep down within my heart
that this would be our last Christmas
together. Was it Mama's Intuition? I do not know. I could just feel that December 25th, 2009 would be our last Christmas together. So I made
it count. Every single second. And
boy, did I create an amazing last
Christmas memory!! For it is one that will remain within my psych forever. Forever.
Shadow no longer played.... Thus
spending money on tennis balls seemed
irrelevant this year. Instead, I filled her Christmas stocking
with treats, treats, treats and more
treats. Nothing else. Because, although Shadow was never a "food-lovin'" girl like Rose,
throughout her final years on Earth,
she loved treats. If memory serves
me--and it seldom ever does!!--I
purchased pizza-flavored Canine Carry
Outs, Snawsomes twists, and salmon Yummy Chummies. Nothing healthy, I'm afraid!! But to quote Tony Stark from Iron
Man 3? "Screw it, it's
Christmas!" Well!! It
turned out that my Mama's Intuition
was absolutely correct. Because less
than six months later? Shadow died.
And we would never enjoy another December 25th together again. Fast forward. During Christmas 2010, three months after adopting Rose--surprise, surprise!!--I
was still struggling with grief. It
came upon me suddenly, like some
explosive ambush. See, 2010 was a Christmas of firsts. Cosmic
firsts. In more ways than one!! 2010 was my first Christmas with Rose. And....
It was also my first December 25th sans Shadow. I bought Rose a matching soft velvet-like red and white
Christmas stocking. I purchased
her gifts. Yet somehow, the memory of
Shadow's last Christmas on Earth
seemingly haunted me that year. Like some ghost or demon. I just missed
Shadow so much!! Complicated, twisted thoughts/feelings/emotions seared through me. It felt selfish and wrong to be experiencing such
a palpable longing for Shadow.... When I
have Rose!! But, nonetheless, there were tears, sorrow, and heartache. All expressed privately, as I am known for keeping thoughts/feelings/emotions from those who I'm in close proximity to. Which, I will admit, is a fault of mine. One Saturday, we drove
downtown to do some Christmas shopping.
And I was feeling really emotional. I
wept in an antique shop while halfheartedly
looking at merchandise. Yes, wept.
And, although I tried to hold those
tears within me, they flowed anyway
like some mighty waterfall. For
lunch, we ate fast-food at Jack-In-The-Box. I ordered my usual
favorite. The Ultimate Cheeseburger. {Minus
ketchup and mustard.} Which, they have
since ruined--in my opinion--by adding spices. Yuck!! Why couldn't
Jack-In-The-Box just leave well enough alone?! While awaiting our meal, my
tears forced me toward their ladies room to compose
myself. I then stared in their
mirror and attempted bravery. I'll be
okay. I'll be okay. I'll be okay, I chanted to myself, as though it were a
mantra. Then later, we discovered this quaint little store. It was decorated for Christmas!! Everything looked so lovely!! On
display, there was this small artificial
tree. It looked so very festive!! Hanging on its branches were various glass dog breed ornaments.
Naturally, I felt drawn to the Golden Retriever, which is
"half" of Shadow. No, I
coached myself, Move on. Time to move
on.... Be in the "now". Walk away from that tree!! And walk away
I did. Then suddenly, I felt God softly
whisper something to my heart and soul. He said this. Go back. Go back. Look for the Beagle. So, I walked over to that artificial Christmas tree once more. And.... There it was!! A glass, glittery brown,
black and white Beagle!! Oh, it was
absolutely flawless!! And the
ornament may as well have been custom-made!! Black on its back, a white
chest, this adorable brown-colored furrowed forehead.... Just like Rose!! So, I purchased
the ornament. Because how could I
possibly resist?! Its tag read this. Beagle:
Dogs selflessly give humans their unconditional love and loyalty. Beagles are
one of the most popular scent hounds because of their energy, willingness to
work and sweet dispositions. They make great family pets and truly enjoy their
status as "man's best friend." Wow. Minus the "energy {and} willingness to work" part,
that describes Rose spot-on!! Loyal. A
sweet disposition. Loving. I will treasure
forever that sparkly glass Beagle ornament!! Because one glance at it reminds me of so much. That first Christmas sans Shadow. My tearful mood
swing-infused pity party. Healing. Not to mention. Everything that Rose blesses
me with!! She is an incredible
one-of-a-kind friend!! My four-legged "kindred spirit". Because, as a
mutt, Rose was born different, like me. She's
amiable, submissive, and easy to train. Rose is sneaky, strong-willed, plus
sometimes naughty. And I love it all!!
Rose truly is a Beautifully
Unique creature!!