Monday, October 7, 2013

Creating Beautiful Mosaic Artwork

She is a cheerful, talkative, instant-best-friend personality-type. Yet also professional. She is an oddball and self-described "dork", whom I just want to spend time with that is not confined by a colorless white brick building. Plus equally drab walls. Her name is Ebony. And.... She's my dental hygienist. When I get her, that is!! See, people come and go at that office way too frequently within six months' time!! Unfortunately. One morning, Ebony was asking me--before I opened my mouth widely--what it is I enjoy doing. "I write,", I said. "Stories about my dog, mostly. But I deviate from that subject frequently. I have a Blog....". And then Ebony--who has never even read any of my work--asked this.
 
"Have you ever thought about getting published?".
 
To which I shrugged off and answered apprehensively with this. "Yeah....". Then Ebony encouraged in her booming African-American voice with this. "Girl, you should!!". This was during the Summer of 2012.
 
"Have you ever thought about getting published?".
 
This has been such a regular query with me throughout my existence, it could easily qualify as some Frequently Asked Question, or FAQ. Truth be told? The notion of becoming a published author terrifies me worse than creepy-crawly spiders, or pitch black darkness. How so? Becoming published usually requires book tours across America. And I am a homebody!! Seeing New York City sights while being featured on big-name talk shows is "so not me"!! This stood as a cosmic indestructible virtual brick wall against my ever becoming published. Not to mention. I never wrote anything even worth sitting on bookshelves awaiting its readers!! Being published was merely a daydream, an ambition no different, really, from my wanting to act in well-known Hollywood films at age fourteen. That's right. It was actually somewhat delusional of me, as I walked around in "La-La Land" {A "happy, happy, happy" place!!} with my head up in fluffy white clouds. Because, after all. You cannot become a published author sans anything worth reading!! Correct? Then, I partook in something crazy, even for me. I wrote a book--my Life Story--all twelve chapters. In secrecy, because I am weird like that!! And I allowed myself to dream. I wish. I wish I had never allowed myself to dream. I mean it. I do. It was a cosmic mistake. Yes, a  cosmic mistake. See, I worked very, very, very  hard on my Life Story, with the mentality that it would someday get published. Night after night after night. Day by day by day. I fret about every minuscule detail like some stressed-out bride-to be. There were sacrifices made, for many things continuously fell off the Balance Beam of Life. I suffered through countless mood swing-infused pity parties as though I were bi-polar or something. {Which I am not!!} I gained a seriously unhealthy chocolate addiction {This was psychological, by the way!!} just for an edge to keep me awake past midnight. Or 2:00, which occurred twice. But I was writing my Life Story!! Rewind. Before allowing myself to dream, this began as a request from God. The writing of My Life Story. See, He sat me down in January 2012 with a New Year's Resolution. "Accept yourself--learning disabilities and all--you can't break this New Year's Resolution.". As per usual, I didn't listen, not entirely, anyway. Great!! I thought, I have 365 days to accept myself!! I don't have to do it now!! But one thing I have learned in this life? God can be equally stubborn!! "Accept yourself--learning disabilities and all--you can't break this New Year's Resolution.". And He meant it!! Because. On May 4th, I'd watch "The Avengers", hear Tony Stark's line "It's a... terrible privilege", and Robert Downey Jr.'s unlikely superhero character would positively impact my life!! Because. It's a... terrible privilege. My birth defects. Surgical procedures. The insane statistics behind my birth defects. Learning disabilities. Everything. It's a... terrible privilege!! Several months later, God would then request that I write My Life Story. It was me who dared to call it a "memoir". And what an incredible mistranslation that was!! God requested this. That I write my Life story, because He wanted to work in me self-acceptance. I translated it this way. Yes!! I am writing my autobiography!! My memoir!! I can become a published author now!! Which translation won out? God's, of course!! See, I wrote my Life Story, {Which still needs some "tinkering"!!} thus being sent on an incredible self-acceptance journey. Meanwhile, I also reached out to Bloggers who either have children born with craniosynostosis or congenital diaphragmatic hernia, twain of my birth defects. And I gained a C.D.H. Blogging community where this Mom "knows" this child, "knows" this child, "knows" this child!! I am the oldest "kid" in that Online community!! Cool!! Then, in August, I started another Blog, "Minuscule is good!", specifically for creative Writing Projects!! And to think. All of this began with a self-acceptance request from God!! So. Was writing my Life Story for naught? No. Because look at how God is growing and maturing me!!
 
"Have you ever thought about getting published?".
 
You know what? This question {However encouraging!! It does not offend me to hear these words.} now hurts. Allow me to swear a bit. This question hurts like hell. It stings as though a swarm of angry hornets are after my heart, attacking over and over and over again. {Sorry. Drama Queen alert!!} For being published is an unobtainable dream now shattered and broken. But each time I write. Each time I write. I am creating beautiful mosaic artwork with the pieces of this shattered, broken dream!! Whether it be true stories about Rose. A lengthy post reflecting my feelings/emotions. Or some touching breast cancer-themed fictional children's story about Bubbles the Bubblegum Bunny. I am creating beautiful mosaic artwork for you, my dear Friends....                                             
 
 
 
 

 

 

 

8 comments:

Molly The Wally said...

You write, people read, that is being published. There are all kinds of publication and everyone has to start to get an audience somewhere. We enjoy your short stories, please carry on. Have a terrific Tuesday.
Best wishes Molly

Raelyn said...

Molly....
Thanks for the comment, Friend!!
"You write, people read, that is being published. There are all kinds of publication and everyone has to start to get an audience somewhere.". Thanks!! I can't but agree!! ;-D
"We enjoy your short stories, please carry on.". Thanks, I shall!! ;)
I need a sign or something that reads this. "Keep calm and write on.". That would be awesome!! ;-D

Dip-Dip and the Bridge said...

Raelyn, I have read many times - in the author's own words that their walls are papered with rejection letters. These are famous authors too! Never give up on something you love.
Lynne x

Raelyn said...

Lynne....
Thank-you for the comment, Friend!!
"I have read many times - in the author's own words that their walls are papered with rejection letters. These are famous authors too!". True!! I forgot about that!! And this cosmic thought has also kept me from my pursuit of becoming a published author!! ;)
"Never give up on something you love.". I am a writer, an artist who paints pictures with words on blank paper.... ;op

Christina @ The Murrayed Life said...

What a great web you've woven through your writing. I just found you through a comment you left on Kelle's blog, and think it's great that you've connected with parents of children with your same birth defects. As a mother, I imagine that is a huge comfort to talk to someone who has been through it and see where they've turned up! Keep writing for you. Even if you don't get published, if you love it, then that's all you need.

Raelyn said...

Christina....
Thank-you for the comment, Friend!!
"What a great web you've woven through your writing.". Thanks!! I have another Blog, as well, if you would like to check it out!!
http://writing--projects.blogspot.com/ . ;)
"Keep writing for you. Even if you don't get published, if you love it, then that's all you need.". Thanks!! ;op

Ruby said...

I am glad you listened to and obeyed God. He knows what He is doing- even in creating you! I am so glad you are learning to accept who you are and how He created you. I wished you loved you like we do around here!

Raelyn said...

Ruby....
Thanks for the comment, Friend!!
"I am glad you listened to and obeyed God. He knows what He is doing- even in creating you! I am so glad you are learning to accept who you are and how He created you. I wished you loved you like we do around here!". You're so sweet, Friend!! ;op