Soul Searching

Blogging Friends.... We are leaving for our cabin in the woods on Monday!! I am so looking forward to this rejuvenating trip!! I love, love, love woodsy locations!! Trees. A rushing river. Wildlife. It is so relaxing!! We will not return until Thursday. So, peace out!!  

Soul searching. It is a healthful mental, emotional, physical and spiritual experience.... Right? Good. Because here I go again!! I am actually in a happy, grateful, humble state of mind right now. No matter. Because just when I recover from my one and a half week-long series of cosmic mood swing-infused pity parties, they lurk about, tempting me again. Awaiting my fall. Watching me break, like the tough hardboiled egg that I am, prompting a crack. Any day now, right? Nope!! I am battling these mood swing-infused pity parties. I'm alright. Mood swing-infused pity parties are, for me, like annoying, trespassing paparazzi to poor unsuspecting celebrity families. They never, never, never go away. I can be in a state of happiness. Or feel vulnerable. Either way, mood swing-infused pity parties can hide behind the shrubs and shadows of my soul. Like paparazzi. The other day, I found this freshly-snapped picture of Robert Downey Jr. walking the streets of Massachusetts with his lovely wife, Susan, and adorable little boy, Exton. He was pushing a stroller {For reasons beyond my comprehension. It thrilled me to see Robert Downey Jr. pushing a stroller!!} this blue striped blanket draped over Exton. There were two cute things about this picture. One. Exton was fearlessly lifting up the blanket in this straight-faced look-at-me, peek-a-boo manner, most likely right at the paparazzi. And two. Robert Downey Jr. was wearing this protective Papa Bear expression on his face. Not mean, angry or aggressive. Just protective. You have to feel for celebrity families sometimes. Sure, paparazzi comes with the territory when you are a huge Hollywood movie star. But still. You have to feel for celebrity families sometimes. So. My mood swing-infused pity parties lurk about like trespassing paparazzi. It is usually concerning the same old, same old issues. My learning disabilities. And lately, being born with craniosynostosis has been the mood swing-infused pity party's trigger. See, I suffer from premature short-term memory loss. At 29. And I always, always, always have suffered from short-term memory loss. Even as a little girl. Do you have any idea how many older people have pointblank told me that I am "too young" for short-term memory loss? Oh, I get so sick and tired of such comments!! But I'm always grateful for God's given Grace with my answers. Then, the other day a dear sweet "Grandma"-like friend who I ran into mentioned that she knew of somebody who had experienced head trauma and, although he is young, suffers from short-term memory loss. Head trauma. Yeah, that sounds about right. My skull was only surgically cut open and reconstructed twain times!! Twain freakin' times!! You know what? Sometimes I just want to stare up at the sky, shake my fist, and curse at craniosynostosis. Because it is solely responsible for my learning disabilities/short-term memory loss. And what was so traumatic about our craniosynostosis experience that I walked away mentally scathed? What? Was it the fact that Dr. J. removed frontal bone from my forehead? {I have done research!! For that Life Story of mine. I was up past 2AM researching, high on chocolate, my mind completely alert!! True story!! Because I am insane!!} Through the wonderful world of Blogging, I have "met" nine "Cranio" kids. Nine!! Nothing pleases me more than to read that they are developing well educationally!! Not learning disabled, like me. Now, should any of these Beautifully Unique children have "developmental delays", would I still love them? Yes. If anything, I would love them more. And I cannot explain why!! But, is it okay to never wish craniosynostosis upon any baby? Was I wrong when immediate concerns over potential learning disabilities resurfaced within my head after hearing that Dad's close friend's grandson was born with the birth defect several years ago? Now. Just because you are born with craniosynostosis does not necessarily guarantee "developmental delays". As a matter of fact. I recently read about this "Cranio" woman {In her thirties!! I am not there. Yet!!} who works as a licensed practical nurse!! I could never obtain that profession. Even if I wanted to!! See, I am not nearly intelligent enough, plus math wasn't my best school subject!! As this tall, skinny, long-legged girl growing up, I wanted to be a pediatrician just like our wonderful Dr. F.!! However. Even with stubborn determination, lots of support, plus college education preparation, I would not have succeeded!! How so? My learning disabilities would have stood in the way, like heavy brick wall barriers. So, instead, I write!! Yes, I write, expressing myself, and creating images with words!! Because doing so, to me, is like applying paint against some blank canvas. It's my "art" form. That being mentioned, I strive to "paint" readers' "pictures" with words which excite their imagination. Because everyone possesses an imagination!! I also strive to make readers' see, smell, touch, taste, and hear everything. Now. Sans sounding hubris, I consider myself an artsy, versatile writer. I can compose poetry. Write true stories. I can weave together fiction. Write my Life Story. I can create children's books. And I possess my own unique writing style!! I am a self-described "stay-at-home-dog-owner", which makes Rose the luckiest mutt in this world!! But I'm responsible, reliable, plus capable enough to hold down a job. And if I did? Would I be blessed with the opportunity to write? No. Chances are, I wouldn't find the time, between work, and caring for Rose!! Writing liberates my soul, plus brings me immense happiness, not to mention a sense of creative accomplishment!! And, based on research, if it were not for Dr. J.'s surgical skills, I would not even possess this gift!! I never attended college. Home School was challenging enough for me, what with my learning disabilities. And Mom is the world's best teacher!! Thus, I never wanted to attend college!! Never. Could I have, if I'd wanted to? Maybe. Maybe not. But, I happily did not attend college!! Perhaps sometimes I just want to stare up at the sky, shake my fist, and curse at craniosynostosis. But then again. We found God on behalf of this birth defect!! See, I was scheduled for yet a third "Cranio" reconstructive operation. But a co-worker at Dad's office invited him to church. Where my little body would be prayed for and healed. Mom and Dad attended this guy's church. I was prayed over. And we no longer needed Dr. J's skills!! Because God healed me!! Then, Mom and Dad became Christians!! When I am reminded of that true story, my attitude drastically changes. I feel humbled and grateful!! Craniosynostosis. My learning disabilities/premature short-term memory loss. It's a terrible curse. It's a terrible privilege.