Thursday, August 1, 2013

Pushin' Thirty

Blogging Friends.... Thank-you for your comments on Mikey's story!! Life has such an ironic sense of humor that it keeps me "in stitches"!! {This is a pun, by the way. Which I will explain later!!} Remember my "snake skin" bald spot that I wrote about a while back? Well. We drove to the dermatologist's just the other day for a needle biopsy. See, nobody really knows how I lost my hair in the first place. They have two suspicions, however. And we would like to know what has caused it. {Disclaimer. For those reading this who are squeamish about medical stories which involve needles and blood, you may skip down!!} Anyway. First, they injected a needle filled with numbing medication into my scalp near the snake skin bald spot. Now. Having been born with craniosynostosis, I possess a freakishly hard skull, plus being an oddball, I do not mind needles. Thus I wasn't in the least bit concerned!! Everybody warned me that it would be uncomfortable. Plus. The medication would provide me with a burning sensation. I closed my eyes in relaxation, preparing for pain. And I felt.... Nothing!! No pain. No burning. Nothing!! Not surprising. I did, however feel their needle pop off beforehand. I felt its medicine drip onto my right arm as resulted. Whoops. And I felt half of my face slowly become numb. But it was pain-free!! I do not think that they have ever injected a "Cranio" person before!! Because she called me "an awesome patient"!! What did they expect? That I would transform into The Incredible Hulk and punch everybody out as resulted to it being so painful? This here skull of mine has been surgically cut open not once, but twice. A needle injection? Phishaw!! They then took a minuscule "cookie cutter" and punched a bit of my skin off. I oozed blood. Not surprising. Then, they stitched up that minuscule-sized area. I now have sutures on my head for the first time since Dr. J. reconstructed it because of the craniosynostosis!! Back to my pun. Life has such an ironic sense of humor that it keeps me "in stitches"!! Who would have thought. The day I reposted Mikey's story, that I'd need sutures on my head? Who would have thought?
 
"You know, I've got a cluster of shrapnel, trying every second to crawl its way into my heart. This stops it. This little circle of light. It's part of me now, not just armor. It's a... terrible privilege.". --Tony Stark.
 
My dear Blogging Friends, do you remember when this very line in the action-packed Blockbuster superhero film profoundly impacted me? It was on May 4th, 2012. Tony Stark/Iron Man/Robert Downey Jr. virtually grabbed me for no explanation other than the fact that I am an oddball. Oddball to oddball. Do you remember? Good. Because for one and a half weeks, somewhere along the way, this "one step forward, two steps back" flawed personality-type lost complete sight of Tony Stark's message. For one and a half weeks, somewhere along the way, I forgot everything which God has taught me through my unlikely inspiration. I am not certain how it occurred, exactly. Perhaps because I suffer mightily from premature short-term memory loss? Excuses, excuses. For one and a half weeks, I struggled mightily with being different, and battled--hard!!--against mood swing-infused pity parties. See. I put up a good fight, as--metaphorically speaking--this "active volcano" stood strong and silent for quite some time!! Even my Mom noticed. So. I was prolifically writing in my Word document journal. At times I fought back tears. I half-seriously considered meditation. And I mentally avoided as much of what might trigger an emotional breakdown as possible. {Thank-you, attention deficit disorder!! I love you!!} Question. Is it common for somebody to be pitched a "pushin' thirty" funk? Because I was. See, over six months ago, I turned 29. But I wanted to be thirty. Yes, I wanted to be thirty!! For the "big 3-0" sounded like a novelty and an adventure. Fast forward to June. This girl who I grew up with just got married. And to top that off with an enormous juicy cherry of envy. My sister is embarking on a cosmic life-altering endeavor. But. Oh, what am I doing with my life? Why must I always feel left behind, this learning disabled person? What am I not doing with my life? And, for one and a half weeks, I felt as though it lacked purpose. My life. It lacked meaning and direction. See, I thought that by now I'd be married with at least six children {I always wanted five!!} So many of my dreams have been shattered like broken liquor bottles on some city street. They are completely unobtainable. I can't be a mother because, well, I'm not married. {That would help with the reproduction process, right?} I could never find a career like our wonderful pediatrician, Dr. F., since I'm not nearly intelligent or ambitious enough. But you know what? Metaphorically speaking, I am a hardboiled egg. Ever notice how challenging they are to break? You can crack a hardboiled egg. But it is a lot of freakin' hard work to actually break its shell as you peel and peel and peel!! I am a hardboiled egg. I can crack, and I always eventually do. But I am hard to break!! Well. I "cracked", and then spent all last weekend finally allowing the tears to fall. Finally. Then, an interesting thing occurred. I gained perspective. I grew. I learned. It was as though standing strong and avoiding emotions/feelings kept a door which leads toward perspective shut tight. Once I allowed tears to stream down my cheeks, that door opened. So. Perhaps the occasional mood swing-infused pity party is healthy for my heart and soul....? Perhaps.    
 
"You know, I've got a cluster of shrapnel, trying every second to crawl its way into my heart. This stops it. This little circle of light. It's part of me now, not just armor. It's a... terrible privilege.". --Tony Stark.
 
May I never again forget this line's impact on my life. Because pushin' thirty? That sounds exciting again!!
 
 

8 comments:

Molly The Wally said...

We are so glad you made it through your pity party (love the term) and you are OK. God has special things in store for you. You must just keep your eyes and your heart open for he sent you down a different road for a reason. Bless you and onwards and upwards dear friend.
Have a fabulous Friday.
Best wishes Molly

Raelyn said...

Molly....
Thank-you for the comment, Friend!! I truly appreciated it!! ;)
"God has special things in store for you. You must just keep your eyes and your heart open for he sent you down a different road for a reason.". Very good. Very, very, very good!! I needed that reminder!! Thanks!! ;op

Dip-Dip and the Bridge said...

Oh my Dog, I wish I was pushing 30 again, LOL.
Glad you are feeling better :)
Lynne x

Raelyn said...

Lynne....
Thank-you for the comment, Friend!!
Yeah. You must be thinking that I am a Drama Queen. Well, guilty as charged. You would be correct!! Hee, hee, hee.... ;op

Smile With Your Tail said...

Glad your feeling better,remember ages is just a number!!
Slobbers

Raelyn said...

Smile With Your Tail....
Thank-you for the comment, Friend!!
"Remember, age is just a number!!". So true, so true!! ;op

Ruby said...

Oh, you are so sweet and so very special- and so just how God wanted to make you! You are dear friend, and a wonderful example! I know the Bible says hope deferred makes the heart sick, and I can definitely relate to not getting something you really, really want. I pray that God will encourage you with how He has made you, and clearly show you what He has for you, and how He wants to use you! Remember, this has been given to you- not forced upon you (even though you might be tempted to feel that way).

Raelyn said...

Ruby....
Thank-you for the comment, Friend!!
"Oh, you are so sweet and so very special- and so just how God wanted to make you! You are dear friend, and a wonderful example! I know the Bible says hope deferred makes the heart sick, and I can definitely relate to not getting something you really, really want. I pray that God will encourage you with how He has made you, and clearly show you what He has for you, and how He wants to use you! Remember, this has been given to you- not forced upon you (even though you might be tempted to feel that way).". Thanks.... ;op