Friday, September 13, 2013

Hello, My Name Is Raelyn....

And I am addicted to chocolate. Alright. Confession over!!
 
"I have a chocolate addiction. It's a problem.". These were words which I voluntarily confessed to my Aunt Chris back in August at our ten-year old cousin's birthday party upon seeing her homemade s'mores cupcakes. "I have a chocolate addiction. It's a problem.". Why yes. I placed great emphasis on the word "problem". It was a happy confession, not some desperate cry for help. Because. I was quite pleased and proud of this so-called "problem"!! And Aunt Chris simply smiled at my confession, as though I just told an outstanding joke, a comedian on stage. What? Do I look like Joey Gladstone from television's "Full House"?! I don't even consider myself funny!! I was being serious!! Not that I presented myself in such a manner. No. How could I, with a self-satisfied cock-eyed smirk painted on my face? Huh? I could not have cared less that Aunt Chris' reaction only fuelled my addiction, as I scored me some chocolate in the form of a rich s'mores cupcake!! And then. With permission might I add, plus my charming-yet-honest rave of Aunt Chris' dessert, I scored another one. Because, who can say no to this? "Oh, those cupcakes are so freakin' good!! May I have another one?"? Smirk, smirk. I was already high on chocolate. What's some more in my system going to do? How about give the drummer within my chest--who, by the way, I named Parkinson--full permission to jam away. Thump, thump, thump, thump--do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do--thump, thump, thump, thump. After all. My cardiologist, Dr. L., told us that this was "normal for me", since I lived with Wolff-Parkinson White syndrome for 18 years!! Now. Can somebody really become addicted to chocolate? That is debatable, based on certain Online Websites which I have recently found. However. The majority says that, yes, you can become addicted to chocolate, because of some of its ingredients. Such as sugar. Or caffeine. One source even made this far-out claim. Chocolate can create same high as opium. Well. I wouldn't know about that!! But, based on a deeply personal experience, I can honestly say {Without joking!!} that you can, indeed, become addicted to chocolate!! It makes me feel happy, chasing away any unpleasant mood swings, even for a minute. And, yes. Chocolate can create a high, this jittery, edgy, hyperactive I-can-achieve-anything surge of energy. Does opium do that? Please. Do not answer that!! Now. Can people simply love chocolate and not be addicts? I think so. Chocolate is not evil!! And it isn't an illegal narcotic!! Need I write more? It becomes a problem, an addiction, a vice, when something deep, deep, deep within your psyche says that you "need" chocolate. Constantly. That, just one week ago, was me. It becomes a problem, an addiction, a vice, when you recently ingest nearly the entire package of Double Stuf Oreo cookies. It was an accident, officer, I swear!! It becomes a problem, an addiction, a vice, when the only thing you crave during fatigue, or mood swings is chocolate. For that jittery, edgy, hyperactive I-can-achieve-anything surge of energetic high!! It becomes a problem, an addiction, a vice, when you pour literally 1/2 cup of Hersey's chocolate into pure white milk. Not that I measured it!! It becomes a problem, an addiction, a vice, when you're staying up late writing, thus you "need" that chocolate high. I can carry on and on and on. But my point has been made crystal-clear. You get it. Hello, my name is Raelyn.... And I am addicted to chocolate. Alas. There's a consequence for everything, especially when addiction is concerned, and chocolate's not exempt. Such as weight gain. Yes, I have gradually, over time, packed on the pounds, meanwhile losing several pairs of jeans, plus feeling snug in some nice blouses. I want those clothes back. Or better. I wish to purchase a new, skinnier wardrobe!! The thought of clothes shopping--which I find so tedious!!--never sounded more exciting!! Anyway. I have now been chocolate-free since Sunday!! {Minus one home-made milkshake. Because. I believe that it is mentally and emotionally healthy to indulge every so often!!}. I have not researched Online any withdrawal symptoms, so I'm surfing them out. Thus far, I have experienced fatigue. And when I'm tired, I "need" chocolate, remember? I have experienced edginess, as though I'm under a great deal of stress. Which, I am not!! I experienced mood swings as they briefly came and went one day. Meanwhile fighting back tears. But I survived!! I have experienced way-too-consistent Sweet Tooth Cravings, as I've also drastically reduced my sugar intake, which, an enormously-sized juicy apple helps fix. For a minute!! Although I am not, by any means at all, starving myself, I've also felt hungry all the time. It's like I'm suddenly part Beagle, or something!! Oh and the dreaming of chocolate. One night, it was milkshakes. Another? I was dreaming of M&M's, Oreo cookies and Snickers bars!! You know what? I do not even like Snickers!! Weird. But, I am giving up an addiction which had a strong hold on me for many years, and only recently worsened. Dreaming of chocolate? It is not only normal, but healthy, too. Psychologically, dreaming of chocolate is, I think, my mind letting go in the same exact way it did our old house/neighborhood after we moved. So. I am now going chocolate-free. At all times? This was the query my youngest brother asked me, although he didn't quite phrase it that way. Answer. Absolutely not!! See, my sister baked some M&M/chocolate chip cookies earlier this afternoon. Oh, the temptation was so very strong within me to snack on some raw dough, eat M&M's straight from its bag, and nosh on more than my share of this sweet treat!! But, I resisted!! Instead, I gratefully ate twain oven-warm cookies, slowly, allowing every uncharacteristic lady-like bite to melt in my mouth, as though it were my last. And I am so happy that I did!! Tomorrow we will attend my preborn niece's baby shower. Will there be cake as dessert? Make it chocolate, please!! Because I think shall have one very thin slice....
 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

10 comments:

Molly The Wally said...

Maybe we are lucky as we don't have a sweet tooth and we don't really like chocolate. So no problem here. Have a super Saturday.
Best wishes Molly

Dip-Dip and the Bridge said...

We will have to set up a 12 step program Raelyn - I am addicted to chocolate too - and cake - and ice-cream and......
Have a nice time at the baby shower.
Lynne x

Raelyn said...

Molly....
Thank-you for the comment, Friend!!
"Maybe we are lucky as we don't have a sweet tooth and we don't really like chocolate. So no problem here.". Wait just a minute. Are you.... Bragging for not having a sweet tooth and not really liking chocolate?! Or is this one of your ironic jokes? Because, if you haven't any sweet tooth? Consider yourself lucky!! But if this is a joke.... Ha. Ha. Ha. ;op

Raelyn said...

Lynne....
Thank-you for the comment, Friend!!
"We will have to set up a 12 step program. I am addicted to chocolate too - and cake - and ice-cream and......". I can't but agree!! What is a 12-step program, anyway? And will it beat my Word Document journal which is now serving as a way to keep me accountable? Plus, I really, really express some of my feelings/cravings in words!! Score!! It is working. "So far, so good", as that phrase goes.... ;op

Abby said...

Hey gal- Thank you for checking on on Parker in my shameful lack of posts these last 2 months. Props to you, girlfriend, on your chocolate detox. Stay strong!

Raelyn said...

Abby....
Thank-you for the comment, Friend!!
You're welcome for checking in on Parker--my pleasure--he is my CDH Buddy, after all!! ;)
Does it count as a "chocolate-detox" when you are still occasionally indulging, yet no longer binging? Hee, hee, hee.... ;-D
Thanks for the encouragement!! ;op

Tweedles -- that's me said...

i am addicted to food!
love
tweedles

Raelyn said...

Tweedles....
Thank-you for the comment, Friend!!
You're addicted to food?! Well!! You and Rose both!! Hee, hee, hee....

Dip-Dip and the Bridge said...

A 12 step programe is something alcoholics and drug users have to stop them from falling off the wagon. I think step one is to admit you are addicted and then go on from there.

Raelyn said...

Lynne....
Thank-you!! Being an observant RDJ fanatic, you learn and know about all kinds of things along the way--like drugs--but I guess he does not talk about 12-step programs!! Hmmm, I wonder why....? You know, I do not blame him one bit!! ;op