Monday, March 3, 2014

"What Do You Do?"

Blogging Friends.... Warning. This is yet another self-serving "therapy session". {Don't worry. I am not suffering from any minor mood swing-infused pity parties!!} So, come. Sit. Have a cup of tea, coffee, soda, wine, or just plain water. Read on as God gradually works through my life....

"Minuscule is good!
Trust me, it’s much better than thinking everything you do is important and meaningful. That is not good.” --Robert Downey Jr.

I was lying on the "bed" at my dermatologist's office. For those who are unaware. Awhile ago, I mysteriously lost some hair on top of my head. Ugh. We made an appointment with this dermatologist, Dr. E., who performed a biopsy. Which did not even hurt!! I was born with craniosynostosis. I possess an abnormally hard skull, remember? This biopsy determined that I suffer from a rare case of acne. My ugly "snake skin" bald patch will never, according to Dr. E., heal itself. Ever. I will always have an ugly "snake skin" bald patch on top of my head. And what's worse. I could, eventually, lose all of my hair over time. But "bald is beautiful", right? Even a lumpy head with Frankenstein-like scars? Because. No chic-looking hat will even fit my head. And adjustable baseball caps? They tend to give me headaches. Anyway. As a potential prevention, I am now swallowing some pill twice daily. So far so good!! Back to my story. So I was lying on the "bed" at Dr. E.'s office. She had strongly advised that, in addition to those pills, I also should be given a steroid injection.... Through my skull.... Repeatedly. That's right. You know what? I've never minded needles--so long as they are clean, of course!!--and, need I repeat that I was born with craniosynostosis? I possess a freakishly hard skull!! Honestly? It merely felt like several little bee stings, minus the itchy sensation afterward!! I have experienced a flu shot that hurt much worse than those steroid injections!! While I lie there, Dr. E. made casual small talk with me as she shot my skull. Then Dr. E. asked a question that I have, for several months now, loathed. It was with good intention, really, when Dr. E. asked me this.

What do you do?

Answer?

I am a writer, an artist who paints pictures with words.

This is my phrase, which I coined. It's often a manta of mine. Which, I never chant five times like I do with other far more motivating phrases. Because, frankly, it is too long!!

I am a writer, an artist who paints pictures with words.

It is such an accurate sentence which, hopefully, pertains to what I do. I write this as a statement loud and proud. Yes, loud and proud. However. During moments when the subject that I write either resurfaces within my crazy head and/or is mentioned in conversation, suddenly, I would become a reserved, bashful child. Which, I never was!! It is during such moments when I would often mentally push myself to share with people that I'm a writer. Yep. Thoughts have gone something like this. I'm a writer.... I'm a writer.... I'm a writer.... But I would seldom ever actually be vocal about it. And when I have shared with people that I'm a writer? I need boldness first!! And you know what? I understand completely why I have always initially shied away from telling people that I'm a writer. It took my slow brain quite some time to figure out. But I understand completely. Being a writer, an artist, is such a cosmic part of who I am!! It flows strongly within my D.N.A.!! Much like being an oddball does!! Or my Scottish/"Irish"/German-Russian/American blood!! I am proud to be a writer!! So why, why, have I seemingly uncharacteristically become an introvert when it resurfaces within my crazy head what I do? Because.

I am a writer, an artist who paints pictures with words.

But I'm not published. Not yet. Plus, truth be told? I have dreaded this all-too-common question which, usually, inevitably follows.

"Have you ever thought about getting published?"

Yes. As a matter of fact, I have thought about getting published. A lot. Thanks for asking. Insert sarcastic, derogatory eye roll. Then, I discovered that it was emotionally easier to say something such as this. "I write. I love to write!! I write fictional children's stories. I have a Blog where I post my stories." Then I would swiftly add this. "I'm unpublished, though." To the point and nonchalant, I would meanwhile attempt my very best at controlling complex emotions as those last three words were spoken. Today? I still feel strongly that God's answer to whether or not I should become a self-published children's author is this. "Not right now." I felt it while aimlessly wandering through Barnes & Noble's children's book corner the other day. I feel it here at home. I felt it in church yesterday morning. "Not right now." And for the very first time, I feel oddly at peace with not obtaining my dream of becoming an author. So now? During moments when the subject that I write either resurfaces within my crazy head and/or is mentioned in conversation, I vow to say something such as this. With confidence!! "I write. I love to write!! I write fictional children's stories. I have a Blog where I post my stories. But I'm not published. Not yet, anyway. I feel like God's telling me 'not right now' right now. I still have some growing to do as a writer!!" How was that? Which leads me back to Dr. E.'s question.

What do you do?

Answer?

I am a "children's writer". I do not hope to someday become one. Why? Because I already am a "children's writer"!! Right now. Whether published. Or not. I'm already envisioning my fictional children's story for April.... Because I possess a crazy never-shuts down head!! So stay tuned!! 

Look for my March fictional children's story to be posted on "Minuscule is good!"--Lord willing!!--tomorrow!!

2 comments:

Molly The Wally said...

Oh no sorry about your hair and we hope the meds help. And a writer you are and we look forward to the next story. Have a marvellous Monday.
Best wishes Molly

Raelyn said...

Molly....
Thank-you for the comment, Friend!!
"Oh no sorry about your hair and we hope the meds help.". So far so good!! ;)
"And a writer you are and we look forward to the next story.". Thanks, Friend!! ;op